Where do I start?

Well,the recession finally hit home with me.  I am looking to buy a new house and move out of this apartment, which was only a temporary arrangement bc of the circumstances & me moving in a hurry.  The only problem is I am literally scraping together money for a move & that includes selling textbooks and having rummage sales.  But what's even more depressing than that is the type of house I can afford is not the type of house I want.  When it comes to house shopping, you are paying mostly for the school district bc the same house will vary in cost to the tune of about 400 per month depending on what side of town you're on.

Typing with my index fingers on my IPAD, btw.  How do people type like this?  It strains your fingers.

Maybe I will get my money scraped togethor and decide to just rent a place.  The house I really like is 1,350.  The house I'll settle for is 1,100.  How much I really want to spend is $900.  I just want to live very cheaply so I can put some money aside while the boys are still young and don't care where they live.  Then, move into a better place when they are older.  I think it matters more to older kids to have a nice house.

So, I may just end up renting, after all.

Besides that, things with Ian have improved...He rides his Winther bike, wears big boy undies, uses some words & phrases.  But sometimes I am so worried about his future.  I was thinking of how I wanted to send my boys to some prestigious private school but I can't bc they don't have special education services.  And I really think I should keep the boys together so they can look out for each other.

My dream is to be able to send them both to a private school for high school.  My dream is for Ian to go mainstream with the nuero-typical kids by then.  My dream is they both graduate college and give me lots of grandbabies.  I will be an excellent grandmother and babysit a lot so that they think parenting is a breeze & just keep having more kids.  It's really a trick I'm playing on them so I can have more grandkids.

Whole 'nother level

Just got back from a seminar for parents on the spectrum and found out one fascinating thing that I think professionals in the field just need to notice. All the other parents were just so in tune with the universe on a whole 'nother level. As I got to know them I found out a little about their background. One was a farmer, another a yoga instructor, a snow-board instructor and outdoor enthusiast, a surfer, an all natural food-store owner, a meditation-ist (?). There were also mathematicians and engineers. It seemed like it was a group of people who just understood and were in touch with the universe on a more intimate note than regular people. That is fascinating. Most of the time all you hear is bad news about parents of children on the spectrum. They are refrigerator parents or they did something wrong, or they have bad genes. Let me tell you, that is not it. I am more of a mind now that these children were really given to us because for some special reason because from what I can gather the one thing we have in common is just how far out on the z axis we all are.

Winther Bikes

Good news autism parents whose kids don't ride bikes. There is something called a Winther bike for special needs kids thatyour child may get the knack of. None of those fakity-fake life is perfect with autism blogs would have told you that!

They go for about 500 bucks, though, so wow, yeah.

Last night at my son's Youg Athletes practice they had a few and for the first time after countless efforts, he actually pedaled! Now he didn't go roaring off and take a few laps and pass Lance Armstrong, which is what my co-bloggers kids probabaly did, but he did pedal and slowly make his way over a few obstacles he was not supposed to run over. I was proud of him. He seemed to lose interest here and there and would stop pedaling but then he would resume and slowly pedal away again.

There is better balance on the Winther bike and the pedals move themselves and yr kid justneeds to keep his feet on, then eventually manipulate the pedals themselves and presto, he's riding a bike

By the way, for those not in the know, Young Athletes is the Special Olympics training camp for 2-7 year olds. Because Special Olympics starts at age 8.

Now, I am proud to say thatIan is a strong, fast, coordinated boy. So much so, that I attempted to get him to play soccer. I maybe jumped the gun with that one because self-directed andco pliant are a few things he still needs to work on. So, while the other kids were doing drills kicking the ball down the field (wow, are those other 4-year-olds?), Ian was spinning around in circles in the field. Anddon't askabout gameday,thenoise, the excitement. He threw a fit, did not wantto be there at all.

But now, thanks to Young Athletes he is learning to throw and kick and jump on cue. He's getting there.

What Plastic Barbie Doll Ranks These Things Anyway?

I don't want to be a complete bitch here but then again why change the tone of this blog now? haha. But seriously folks, I have been asking myself lately what makes a good autism blog. I went to Google with my question. That is when I learned that for one thing, good bloggers proofread so that's the first place I am messing up. But then I was disgusted to find out the the blogs with the most followers and highest ratings are upbeat, humorous, and pleasant.

Now, personally, I think those are a hell of a restraint when we are blogging about our children's disabilities. I feel pressure from society, as a blogger, to always write about the bright side of a topic that for the affected parent is PAINFUL. To be honest. It is painful. It hurts. It makes me cry-for myself because I don't know what to do, and for my son because I don't know what awaits him. I try to remember to mention in my prayers all the little boys whose parents don't understand them.

But in order to break into the autism blog ratings, I've got to put a pretty bow on this shit. That's another thing top bloggers don't do, they don't swear alot.

Toy Swords and Real Autism Blogs Continued

I bought Riley a styrofoam toy sword for his birthday. He loves it. There is some gene that males carry that make them instinctually know what to do with a sword bc I haven't taught him how to sword fight but somehow he just knows.

Anyway, I went to get Riley out of the tub which he hates. He did his usual waving of his chubby little arms and wailing as I reached for him. Then I saw this spark in his eye as he remembered his sword. He shot to the side really quick and grasped his sword lifting it up in front of him at me triumphantly and swinging it around. Like the sword was going to fend me off. So cute.

Also, a note on my last blog. I did find some autism blogs that read like the real thing. They are not all parents of high functioning kids with few frustrations who are preparing themselves for canonization. Some of them are helpful and tell it like it is. Which is more comforting, you know, to read how a parent struggled with something but you read a later entry and they finally found a solution for themselves.

Some autism blogs are so fakity-fake, I wonder if it's more of a munchausen blog than an autism one. Seriously, if your kid talks and is in the regular classroom, what are your concerns? Your kid has blended! I don't see how that can still qualify as autism. Maybe you are one of those misdiagnosed cases I am always hearing about.

That is just me venting my frustrations and maybe a little jealousy for those high functioning types.

Oh. Shut. Up.

Autism blogs where have you been all my life? That's what I thought when I first stumbled into one. But I am let down. It's just a bunch of annoying twerps with high functioning kids who see nothing but silver linings. Of course they do. Their kids friggin talk for one thing. What do they have to be concerned about. Shame on them for calling themselves an autism blog when they are barely on the spectrum and have no idea, by what they write, the terrible see-saw of hope and disappointment that most special parents go through.

It goes like this. Maybe today, maybe today I will reach him. If not today, maybe he'll be ready for kindergarten. Not there yet? Maybe when he's 6 or 7. Maybe when he's 10. Maybe. And those milestones you wait for never come and you wonder if you'll grow old still thinking maybe today, maybe today.

Now here is something helpful, I heard about something called a special needs trust. That is something I need to learn about. I have been worried about my death. I dodn't know what resources were out there. I think I will look into that.

Is this really me?

I was just cruising through my old posts. I kind of think there is a disconnect between who I am to people who know me and what I blog about. My blogs are not filtered so there is a lot more frustration vented here. I really don't see the real me in my blogs.

Why do I do that? Hide me from me? Isn't blogging about being yourself?

I guess I just have to start blogging when I'm in a better mood or on a topic that I'm not erratic about.

For the love of it

Well, it's been about a year but I am finally running again but this time it's different. I'm not running bc I'm forced, I'm back to running for the love of it....and it feels pretty good. Just approaching running with a good frame of mind makes an incredible differance than when I used to face it with dread and coercion. So, happy day, I found my way back to running for the love of it.

Besides that, I was mentioning to a friend how so-and-so has a blog but it's vapid and dull. He said my blog's not like that. I jump in with, 'I know! I am the Quentin Tarantino of the mommy bloggers!'

Like I said...

Like I said, the IPAD sucks for making corrections, so pardon the errors in these posts!

What I'm Doin' These Days

Soooo, I moved out of my grand dream house, just like Julia Roberts in 'Eat, Pray, Love', in exchange for an apartment so I could work on my doctorate. That's where I left you at, blog. But so much has happned since then and not good stuff either. Basically, practically everyone who is dear to me wound up in the hospital, in wheelchairs, friggin' blind, you name it. I missed so much class in the first semester that I had to withdraw and I moved back home for family support. The good news is, PTL, everyone has pretty much been healed. The downside is I'm a year behind where I thought I'd be at this point.

IPAD problems

Thanks go to the kids for busting my laptop. I'm now doing these entries via IPAD, which makes my half-butt editing jobs even worse. And this cursor! Curse it! It will never do what I want it to.

I'm baaaaaa-aaack

So, I looked up a few people from my past on FB and found that one of them had a blog on here. After reading through it, I thought my blog was much better. Sure, I don't do anything with pictures but I have real meat and bones over here in my words. Theirs was just...vapid and dull. Like a sorority girl's scrapbook. Maybe that's what they were going for, though.