Well, today was my last day of work. I really felt like running out of there and driving to the ocean and diving in b/c I was free of that place. Or doing something monumental like that. I just came home and did the laundry, though. Then I packed the car to go to the beach tomorrow with the kids. I thought I'd use the extra daycare time to get ahead on the housework b/c now that daycare is finished, I may never mop these floors again!
Anyway, I was watching a show, a real tearjerker for me. But my husband didn't get it, probably b/c it was a poignant drama about motherhood and not sci-fi garbage.
Then, I decided it was time to write my story. I'm not sure yet what part of my story I will write, or what my story will be. Definitely a work of fiction but I want to base it on something real so I can reach in and express something. I just think that makes it better, when there are real emotions to it...So, here goes....
Friday, March 25, 2011
Saturday, March 19, 2011
Ugh, I can't stand those people
You know what I really hate about where I work? The superior attitude of the ivy-league grads towards everyone else in our organization. They are seriously deluded. I mean, there are a few who are cool peeps, who I consider friends, but they are exceptions and they know they are the exceptions of their peer group, too. I was thinking of a good way to describe them. I came up with socially inept, deluded, and possessing a superiority complex--although I am not licensed to give that diagnosis.
I keep coming back to deluded because they are in positions where people are forced to work for them. But they think that they are better human beings for being in their position at work and only socially circulate amongst each other. I think if the people who work for them were given an option, they would opt out 98% of the time. I also think if most of the people who work for you want to kill you, then you're not a good boss. But I've been watching and what they do is schmooze over the boss so effectively that they can shit down everybody else's throats. They look down on everybody but don't put any effort into really knowing anybody before judging them on any other criteria besides where did they graduate from. It's like if you didn't graduate from their school, you're not worth their time.
What I mean by socially inept is to leave 'em alone at a night-out or a company picnic, OMG. They completely don't know how to interact with anybody else. They become all stiff and mono-syllabic(is that the word?). Or they can't process jokes. It's weird. Uncomfortable.
Now, that I am quitting that place, I am ashamed to admit that I now realize I let a little of that superiority complex rub off on me, too, while I was there.
Now, I am getting back to the place I was in before, when I was a big city yankee girl with blue-collar roots and if you couldn't physically back-up your traffic complaint you have to button your lip b/c some road rage situations actually lead to real fights. Not that I ever got into one of those, but I didn't feel superior to every driver on the road because of how I looked on paper. You can't piss all over people and then pull out your resume to win an argument, is what I'm getting at.
But my husband still possesses that frustrating holier-than-thou attitude. He has been letting his work persona rub off here and pulling his shitty attitude around the house and we have been fighting over it big time. I am seriously fed up and about 98% convinced I'm moving out here in a few months. I have some interviews lined up for April, so we are just going to see where this goes. I am not shutting any doors, even if it means I move to a different city.
Let me give an example. We are watching a movie and this sloppy, old, drunk mom comes home and her sons are looking at her all full of shame and sadness. My husband pipes up, 'that's gonna be you two months after you quit your job.' You know that led to a fight. He says he was joking, but I think there was truth to it. Now, that I am outside of that organization he is getting that workplace attitude towards me. But I'm not going to stand for it b/c I can leave and make a stand for myself, unlike the poor souls who work for there.
Time we all woke up to the real world and realized if someone can hurt you physically or emotionally, then you better tread lightly with them--it doesn't matter where you graduated from.
I keep coming back to deluded because they are in positions where people are forced to work for them. But they think that they are better human beings for being in their position at work and only socially circulate amongst each other. I think if the people who work for them were given an option, they would opt out 98% of the time. I also think if most of the people who work for you want to kill you, then you're not a good boss. But I've been watching and what they do is schmooze over the boss so effectively that they can shit down everybody else's throats. They look down on everybody but don't put any effort into really knowing anybody before judging them on any other criteria besides where did they graduate from. It's like if you didn't graduate from their school, you're not worth their time.
What I mean by socially inept is to leave 'em alone at a night-out or a company picnic, OMG. They completely don't know how to interact with anybody else. They become all stiff and mono-syllabic(is that the word?). Or they can't process jokes. It's weird. Uncomfortable.
Now, that I am quitting that place, I am ashamed to admit that I now realize I let a little of that superiority complex rub off on me, too, while I was there.
Now, I am getting back to the place I was in before, when I was a big city yankee girl with blue-collar roots and if you couldn't physically back-up your traffic complaint you have to button your lip b/c some road rage situations actually lead to real fights. Not that I ever got into one of those, but I didn't feel superior to every driver on the road because of how I looked on paper. You can't piss all over people and then pull out your resume to win an argument, is what I'm getting at.
But my husband still possesses that frustrating holier-than-thou attitude. He has been letting his work persona rub off here and pulling his shitty attitude around the house and we have been fighting over it big time. I am seriously fed up and about 98% convinced I'm moving out here in a few months. I have some interviews lined up for April, so we are just going to see where this goes. I am not shutting any doors, even if it means I move to a different city.
Let me give an example. We are watching a movie and this sloppy, old, drunk mom comes home and her sons are looking at her all full of shame and sadness. My husband pipes up, 'that's gonna be you two months after you quit your job.' You know that led to a fight. He says he was joking, but I think there was truth to it. Now, that I am outside of that organization he is getting that workplace attitude towards me. But I'm not going to stand for it b/c I can leave and make a stand for myself, unlike the poor souls who work for there.
Time we all woke up to the real world and realized if someone can hurt you physically or emotionally, then you better tread lightly with them--it doesn't matter where you graduated from.
Monday, March 7, 2011
Unhooked
My husband laughed at me in the van on the ride home. We were discussing whether or not some drugs should be legalized; he was for it and I was against.
I said that stuff has to be controlled b/c if it was easy to come by society would go into a decline and I don't want my kids to have easy access and get the hook put in 'em. He, of course, being from Berkeley, was inclined to disagree and said he knew plenty of smart people who dabbled in illegal substances without any declining of society to be seen or heard of.
The debate raged on, then at one point he finally asked me what my proof was for my beliefs, did I know any drug addicts since I was speaking so candidly on the addict's part? As a matter of fact, I do. I say. Myself.
He sneers like he knows I am reaching and he knows I don't do drugs. I have been known to cheat, lie, and employ histrionics to win our little debates but I talk through his momentary sardonic silence to elaborate that I was addicted to prescription painkillers for about six months.
I proceed that I was not addicted in the sense of breaking myself to support my habit but addicted b/c once my prescription ran out I could not stop thinking about them. There was really a period where I thought of them everyday and how I needed them b/c I stubbed my toe, or the wind was stinging my eyes, or any little discomfort would make me mad with painkiller desire.
I understood from that a little bit of what addicts go through. I thought I would live with that desire for the rest of my life. However, it's been six months and now I can talk about how I used to feel about the pills. I remember trying to think up illnesses I might come by to be able to get another prescription. Luckily, I am pretty healthy and hate going to the doctor. Also, luckily, that stuff is hard to get. If it was easy to come by, I might still be drooling on my couch right now instead of writing this blog.
But what I wanted to get out there in blog land is the itch does go away. The hook does unhook itself. It took six months but I finally don't want them anymore, I don't remember how they made me feel, I don't yearn for them. Now, I only remember remembering them and think they are very bad for people. I heard before that once an addict, always an addict, and you never stop craving it. Those are the people who gave into their cravings talking. You do stop craving it. You just have to stay off it for a long enough time.
I can see how you may think you never stop craving it if you stayed in the tunnel the whole time and never made it to the light on the other side. Then everytime you quit and you hit the long dark tunnel, you might end up giving up. You might think you will always have the cravings. But you won't. At least I didn't.
Anyways, I'm not some slacker weird-o loser person who is hooked on drugs. I'm a model citizen, ask anybody. But I want to share my story about how addictions can be beat.
Maybe since I'm not a hardcore addict with a history of backsliding, some people may not think that counts. Well, it counts enough to give me the credibility to say keep drugs illegal. Drugs turn people into zombies. They're dream-killers.
I said that stuff has to be controlled b/c if it was easy to come by society would go into a decline and I don't want my kids to have easy access and get the hook put in 'em. He, of course, being from Berkeley, was inclined to disagree and said he knew plenty of smart people who dabbled in illegal substances without any declining of society to be seen or heard of.
The debate raged on, then at one point he finally asked me what my proof was for my beliefs, did I know any drug addicts since I was speaking so candidly on the addict's part? As a matter of fact, I do. I say. Myself.
He sneers like he knows I am reaching and he knows I don't do drugs. I have been known to cheat, lie, and employ histrionics to win our little debates but I talk through his momentary sardonic silence to elaborate that I was addicted to prescription painkillers for about six months.
I proceed that I was not addicted in the sense of breaking myself to support my habit but addicted b/c once my prescription ran out I could not stop thinking about them. There was really a period where I thought of them everyday and how I needed them b/c I stubbed my toe, or the wind was stinging my eyes, or any little discomfort would make me mad with painkiller desire.
I understood from that a little bit of what addicts go through. I thought I would live with that desire for the rest of my life. However, it's been six months and now I can talk about how I used to feel about the pills. I remember trying to think up illnesses I might come by to be able to get another prescription. Luckily, I am pretty healthy and hate going to the doctor. Also, luckily, that stuff is hard to get. If it was easy to come by, I might still be drooling on my couch right now instead of writing this blog.
But what I wanted to get out there in blog land is the itch does go away. The hook does unhook itself. It took six months but I finally don't want them anymore, I don't remember how they made me feel, I don't yearn for them. Now, I only remember remembering them and think they are very bad for people. I heard before that once an addict, always an addict, and you never stop craving it. Those are the people who gave into their cravings talking. You do stop craving it. You just have to stay off it for a long enough time.
I can see how you may think you never stop craving it if you stayed in the tunnel the whole time and never made it to the light on the other side. Then everytime you quit and you hit the long dark tunnel, you might end up giving up. You might think you will always have the cravings. But you won't. At least I didn't.
Anyways, I'm not some slacker weird-o loser person who is hooked on drugs. I'm a model citizen, ask anybody. But I want to share my story about how addictions can be beat.
Maybe since I'm not a hardcore addict with a history of backsliding, some people may not think that counts. Well, it counts enough to give me the credibility to say keep drugs illegal. Drugs turn people into zombies. They're dream-killers.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)