The Future Looks Dim

Oh, my gosh, I am so frustrated right now with Ian's development.

He lost skills and is back in diapers. I am so sad. I am fearing I need to live to be over 100 so I will be able to care for him. He is not there. I can't reach him.

My husband is in such denial, he won't even use the word autistic.

I saw this video that was supposed to inspire hope, it was a severely autistic person's essay, this person could write but not speak apparently. It was a very profound, educated view point about how in tune autistics are with the whole universe and if they aren't communicating in a narrow, limited way then people don't even view them as a person. What was so dim about it was the author couldn't function in society normally. I let myself have hope sometimes that he will function normally and be able to make a living, then I see something like this where a highly intelligent autistic person doesn't have control of their rocking or hands and can't make words.

I am just going to bed now.