Lifetime Movies

I developed a new interest in Craigslist after watching the lifetime movie about the Craigslist Killer. I know CL took down their erotic services add but that couldn't have stopped it, they probably just post somewhere else. Somewhere else like the casual encounters section.

So, I'm crusing through casual encounters fighting the urge to respond and tell these desperate people what their doing wrong--posting pics of their youknowwhat. I don't think women get on these sights and look for that. And even worse than those guys, are the ones who post pics of them in bed with someone else. What type of response is that supposed to inspire? I kind of feel sad for the girl in the pic. Then I kind of feel sad for the guy in the pic b/c he is just way off base if this is what he's posting to entice a new love interest.

Then I think, maybe I have it all wrong. Maybe I'm the weird one here. Maybe there is a whole world out there of women who find those types of ads & pics appealing.

Then I think...who are they?

The women who respond to those ads???

Do I pass them by at Wal-mart? Do they live next door? Do we work togethor?

I am looking at all of you with more scrutiny now. I'm wondering which of you Wal-mart shoppers are the one who put a pic on CL? And which of you hum-drum housewives at the playground are the one who responded?

CL changed the way I see people this weekend.

Then the dominant/submissive ads. So, for clarity as I read these, my inner voice provides feedback to the ads, which I'll share here in some parts. One starts off asking if I want a massage. I kind of roll my shoulders and think I could use one. Then he goes on to say he wants to lick feet clean after the massage. Well, he lost me there. I keep reading. Now, it's becoming another of my fascinations with observing human nature. My others are reality TV, true crime books, crime shows, and of course, blogs.

So, another ad was from some dom. That means dominant person in the whole role-play thing they do; I'm all acting like I know. OK, so the dom opens with the line 'you know you want it.' I ask myself 'do I?' Then I tell myself, 'I have been cooking up a storm this weekend only to chew up bites and spit them out because I am cutting weight, so maybe I do hate myself and I AM the person who is supposed to be reading this ad.' So, I continue reading. These doms are tricky. They tell you something is a fact and you proceed to the next step of their logic b/c they're so self-assured. Then, when the next line is something scary about clothespins, my inner voice replies back with a sarcastic, 'ahhhhh, you tricked me, you dom. I don't want your clothes pins, I just like to create things in the kitchen and am under a lot of stress right now to be a certain size.'

Now you may be wondering how my 3 days of 0 calories consumed & 500 burnt went. It lasted one day. The next day I consumed 1000 (b/c I was frickn' starving) and burnt 600. Then today, I have only had a cup of coffee and I licked my fingers when I was making cake. To be nice to myself I made sure there was a big goop of batter on my fingers. Then it was starting to add up so I finally started wiping them on a paper towel. But I didn't work out today b/c my mind isn't right. I haven't seen results in the last few days and I got disheartened after stepping off the scale and said screw it I'm not working out this morning.

I am asking myself when will all this dieting end. If I give in and eat whatever I want I will be overweight. I will live the rest of my life smelling delicious food I can't eat. Aging sucks. Your metabolism slows down, but your appetite keeps right on going.

Cutting and Irritability

My husband is so annoying right now. Maybe it's b/c I'm cutting.

To those not in the know, that means I am resorting to extreme measures to drop weight in a short amount of time. I gave myself a week to lose about 15 lbs. I am moving right along, about 4 lbs to go in 3 days.

The thing is the lbs are coming off slower now and I have already hit everything in my aresenal to drop weight. That includes laxatives, diet pills, and calorie restriction (500 consumed & 500 burnt a day). I would add the sauna/steam room for the big finale but the one at the gym is broke and I really don't want to buy a new membership and drive out of my way...But how else can I drop that amount of weight in that amount of time????

If you arrived at the same conclusion I did, then you may be as crazy as me (about dieting, anyway). That's right, starting today I am reducing calories to 0 consumed & 500 burnt for the next 3 days. I also read an article by a fellow cutter about how to make a steam room in your bathroom.

I have a voice in the back of my head hoping that I won't die. I just LOL it. Silly voice. I know when to stop.

Anyway, anyway, I have been especially irritable lately. Especially towards my husband. Most of me blames his attitude, but part of me wonders if it's the cutting.

I meant to sum this up with humorous examples of my husband's annoying behavior and my responses to it buuuut the kids are up from their nap now so doody calls....

Metamorphisis

I think I spelled that wrong. Metamorphesis with an 'e'? isis with an 'i'? idk, oh, well. What I am getting at is lately I find myself saying all these snobby phrases and after I say them, I laugh, and think, 'did that just come out of my mouth'?

What am I turning into?

Case in point...

At a hardware store searching for a replacement part for the handheld-shower-part-thingy for the whirlpool tub. Growing frustrated and unsure what to call this part to the sales rep, I exasperatingly say to the sales rep 'every whirlpool tub has one!'. Mind you, I just upgraded to a whirlpool tub a few years ago myself. Pretty arrogant of me to assume everybody has whirlpool tubs these days. I told that story to my sister and she chimed in with this stuffy voice, 'just like your father's and your father's father'.

Then I was giving a little speech to the people at work about how they should make sure they arrive at work with everything they are supposed to bring for the day because self-discipline and blah blah blah and if you have to wake up five minutes earlier to make sure you can look through your garage for whatever you left there last week then you should do it blah blah blah. Afterwards, I realized that of the group I was speaking, too, they all live in 2 areas and neither of which have houses that have garages. Oopsie.

The funniest though was in a recent convo with my husband about how I wanted to live in a mansion and he needs to figure it out and I'll give him ten years to get us there, I think that's reasonable--he cuts in with, 'this is a mansion'--and I spat back in a whiny voice, 'this is a mini-mansion'. LOL, I laughed after. I realize what I sound like after-the-fact and can still laugh at myself about it--for now anyway. How long until I forget myself and that person who surfaces here and there actually becomes me?

But seriously, hon, 10 years.

Looking Glass

Well, things are getting back to normal around here. I wish they would get back, back to normal before back to normal meant stressed out and pissed off.

Anyway, listen up, you-know-who-you-are. I am not the person I describe as you. I know what I am. I am stubborn, impatient, stuck-in-my-ways, and intolerant but I am not mean-spirited. You are mean-spirited and that is why you are the asshole.

Be The Match

Well, my husband and I are living togethor again. I don't know what that means. But John Legend does...

As our love advances
we take second chances
Though it's not a fantasy
I still want youuuu to stay

We're just ordinary people
We don't know which way to go
Cuz we're ordinary people
Maybe we should take it slow

It's really not a romantic-type love story, or if it is, it's the lamest one ever. But I guess we'll see where this goes. I had really thought he had changed, we were so good for a few days there. But now he is reverting back to his old borish ways here and there. We'll see. Maybe we should take it slow.

Anyway, I was thinking of how everyone in the world is a phony. Well, not everyone, but those people who pretend to care about issues and charity but in reality they never belly up to even giving to charity or going to a blood drive. But they give such great lip service about what a great humanitarian they are (in their mind). The world is full of people like this. So, I decided as I was job hunting for a job that mattered! a job that made a difference! Why, should I stop there? I should donate bone marrow. How selfish of me, or anyone, to deny this life-saving stuff from a cancer patient simply b/c it will hurt. Alot of things hurt that we never think twice about. I am such a wannabe humanitarian. I have an Angelina heart. But none of her resources! So, I'm stuck trying to donate bone marrow.

I go to the website where I learn I have medical issues that disqualify me. Sigh.

Well, now what?

Tina Fey is not Funny

Personally, I completely lost all respect for Tina Fey when she robbed that 5th grader of her material with her Sarah Palin impression. If there was a punchline to that whole thing, I didn't catch it. You can correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm not, all she did was mimic Sarah Palin and say exactly the same things Sarah Palin did. There was not a joke in it. It was lame, it was beyond lame, it was worse than 30-Rock. Which, I also didn't think was funny. Mean Girls was ok. She fell off after that. I don't usually turn off a movie part way through, but I just didn't hate myself enough to finish Baby Mama, or whatever it was. The pity movie she made with her ex-SNL co-star what's her name. The other one who did an un-funny Office spin-off with Parks & Recreation. What a disappointment that was. The Office, on the other hand is hilarious. These ladies could learn a thing or two from Steve Carrell.

I was really disappointed to see that Tina Fey won some kind of award for her half-ass jokes on Sarah Palin. It wasn't even original, she did not craft one single joke out of the whole thing. If that warrants an award, there are tons of celebrity impersonators out there due there award. And those sidewalk impersonators are alot more funny, to me at least. If I were Tina Fey I wouldn't have accepted that award for that lame piece of work. The only reason they gave it to her is b/c she fed the social misogyny media smear machine. It's true. Ask yourself why didn't any other SNL presidential impersonator win an award. Many of the past SNL presidential impersonators actually told real jokes.

But the whole reason I'm writing this blog is b/c I just caught Sarah Palin's new reality show on TLC, and I love it. I love Sarah Palin, she is my hero. My hat's off to her,I couldn't do it. I would seriously punch out one of those smart ass reporters. I have no fear that they would hit me back, so my implants are safe!

Well, where should I start?

I haven't blogged in awhile. Because I had nothing good to say. Then I decided this might be the perfect time to blog.

The most startling disruption to my life recently is I am now getting a divorce. There are a lot of reasons why but I can't put all my focus into splitting hairs and examining the past when I have to keep my head in the game. Becauuuussseee, startling disruption #2, I have to move back to my hometown.

Sigh.

It's not such a bad place, it's just I really like living on the coast but everybody who can help me out with baby sitting and shuttling the kids home from school live farther inland. The housing is also cheaper and the job market is better. So, it's a decision that kinda made itself. Plus, I feel like a whipped puppy running home with my tail tucked between my legs. It's not a recourse I came to automatically and without misgivings--moving home, that is.

And third, I had a complete overhaul. Some people call them mommy make-overs. I had lost a lot of weight (over 100lbs) since pregnant with my last son. So, I got a little nip and tuck to smooth everything out. Plus some fake boobs and lipo. Now, that is major sugery, it's funny that such a huge thing like completely changing my image is the 3rd biggest disruption in my life recently.

So, I have been vocalizing the inequity of who pays for what with my (what should I call him?) less significant other, lately. I had been paying for way more in the way of clothes and toys. But now, I insist he buy that stuff, too. He had the nerve to say I was just trying to use him for money. I retort, I have fake tits, I can get some schmuck to give me money and pay my bills 7 days a week, this is about responsibility. More or less that's what I say, I'm frustrated and angry when I actually say it so it comes off a little less polished.