Unhooked

My husband laughed at me in the van on the ride home. We were discussing whether or not some drugs should be legalized; he was for it and I was against.

I said that stuff has to be controlled b/c if it was easy to come by society would go into a decline and I don't want my kids to have easy access and get the hook put in 'em. He, of course, being from Berkeley, was inclined to disagree and said he knew plenty of smart people who dabbled in illegal substances without any declining of society to be seen or heard of.

The debate raged on, then at one point he finally asked me what my proof was for my beliefs, did I know any drug addicts since I was speaking so candidly on the addict's part? As a matter of fact, I do. I say. Myself.

He sneers like he knows I am reaching and he knows I don't do drugs. I have been known to cheat, lie, and employ histrionics to win our little debates but I talk through his momentary sardonic silence to elaborate that I was addicted to prescription painkillers for about six months.

I proceed that I was not addicted in the sense of breaking myself to support my habit but addicted b/c once my prescription ran out I could not stop thinking about them. There was really a period where I thought of them everyday and how I needed them b/c I stubbed my toe, or the wind was stinging my eyes, or any little discomfort would make me mad with painkiller desire.

I understood from that a little bit of what addicts go through. I thought I would live with that desire for the rest of my life. However, it's been six months and now I can talk about how I used to feel about the pills. I remember trying to think up illnesses I might come by to be able to get another prescription. Luckily, I am pretty healthy and hate going to the doctor. Also, luckily, that stuff is hard to get. If it was easy to come by, I might still be drooling on my couch right now instead of writing this blog.

But what I wanted to get out there in blog land is the itch does go away. The hook does unhook itself. It took six months but I finally don't want them anymore, I don't remember how they made me feel, I don't yearn for them. Now, I only remember remembering them and think they are very bad for people. I heard before that once an addict, always an addict, and you never stop craving it. Those are the people who gave into their cravings talking. You do stop craving it. You just have to stay off it for a long enough time.

I can see how you may think you never stop craving it if you stayed in the tunnel the whole time and never made it to the light on the other side. Then everytime you quit and you hit the long dark tunnel, you might end up giving up. You might think you will always have the cravings. But you won't. At least I didn't.

Anyways, I'm not some slacker weird-o loser person who is hooked on drugs. I'm a model citizen, ask anybody. But I want to share my story about how addictions can be beat.

Maybe since I'm not a hardcore addict with a history of backsliding, some people may not think that counts. Well, it counts enough to give me the credibility to say keep drugs illegal. Drugs turn people into zombies. They're dream-killers.