This summer was hell. I lost my job, my special needs son broke his arm and subsequently his mind. I seriously think he had a nervous breakdown because he had such a hard time processing why he was in a full arm cast and probably thought he was just stuck like that. My poor baby. I had to take him to the ER and they put him on a benzodiazepam. That helped some.
There is a funny story there. I had to drive all over hell to find a store that actually had the medicine in stock. When I found one, they had some b.s. reason why they couldn't give it to me. I guess insurance companies require extra authorizations from the physician before they'll pay for something like that. I said I would just pay for it and give me the damn bottle but they said that I wasn't allowed to just buy it outright like that bc of some other bs insurance rules. And it was a weekend! And I got the prescription from the ER! So, I had to get his pediatrician involved and I was really pissed off that the doctor gave the prescription and the pharmacy had the medication and the insurance company had the right to withhold it. What kind of crazy world is this? But, it all came out alright in the end. I was able to convince the insurance company their head was in their ass and they actually placed a call to the pharmacy to tell the tech what codes to use so that they could give me the medication.
So, he still had such a hard time with the cast that I cut it down from a full cast to a half cast myself. He calmed down some eventually, but my poor son never really came back. I am still having a really hard time with him. He just tantrums so hard it is scary. But it is not as bad as it was this summer.
Don't get me wrong. I love him dearly. I am just catalogue-ing where we are right now.
Tonite, after I cleaned up the poop, I was cradling him and we were dancing around the room. He was calm with his head on my shoulder. So, I sang to him and swayed him around while singing this song that I liked so much as a kid I thought I would sing it to my children someday. And I do sing it to them from time to time. But this time I couldn't get through it without crying. And there we were in this room dim in the twilight, with me singing/crying this song out because the words had new meaning now with where we were in our lives. The song goes...
I know you
I danced with you once upon a dream
I know you
The gleam in your eyes is so familiar a gleam
I know it's true
these visions are seldom all they seem
But I know you
I know what you'll do
You'll hold me at once
The way you did once upon a dream
I guess what makes it so sad is that before Ian was diagnosed I had such high hopes in life for what type of boy he would be, but that was all once upon a dream.
